sejjers (biggreenmonstr) wrote,

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long overdue.

confessions of a horrible friend, part 1.

well. we're not even good friends. i guess to start this out i should probably include some backstory. so here it goes. ok, so i worked with this girl at journeys circa 2004/2005 i believe. she wasnt there that long, maybe a few months. in any case, i didnt really like her all that much, too bubbly. too...loud ? too...into guys? im not sure. either way, it was when the boys were still there...aimee was the manager, we were at 713. anyway.. so the boys were always so mean to her, calling her a whore or whatever. i didnt get involved, i think i yelled at them a few times or something maybe. i kno there was a customer complaint once but i defended her to them. she was young, as it is, she's only 20 so i mean..thats a four year difference. maybe thats why i didnt dig her. im not sure. in anycase, she totally did this one kid who was just so ...immature and a jerk and the worst EVER. i mean.. just did him. just like that. well i was losing respect for her pretty fast, but i guess one day she had had enough of the boys being assholes and quit or was fired or something. i dont even remember the details. all i kno is i felt really bad for the way things were left, like... really bad... maybe i can dredge up the message i sent her.... i cant, it wont access msgs from people that deleted their profiles. stupid. anyway... yeah so i sent her this long message apologizing for the retarded antics of the others. and she replied saying thanks and we sent msgs back and forth and occasionally left comments on each other's myspaces. then we stopped talking to each other for awhile... like we never hung out or anything. well then she friended me on myspace or whatever.. and then we were talking.

so not too long ago this dude kevin sends me a msg through facebook saying 'nice ink' and im like all right cool wahtever. thanks. like.. i think i was still 'talking' to mike or whatever. but since then we have been messaging back and forth and i thought nothing of it, because he was dating this girl at the time (the same one i was talking about earlier). i mean he made some weird comments about my stomach looking worked out but i chalked it up to him being weird. well then they werent dating anymore or osmething, i mean... he never talked about it, them or her the entire time we were messaging...but then one day i get this message from the girl asking for advice about kevin! weird. so im like... ok i dont really kno anything about it.. so im trying to give her advice, meanwhile HE is talking to me and wanting to hang out, which i still was clueless about.. bc i mean, what the hell did i kno. so then after a few months of this back and forth messaging FINALLY he comes home and i can hang out with him. so then he comes into the store, whatever. and we go to the movies with dallas..and i started to wonder if he was into just being friends or what. right. so then we ended up talking after the movie for like. two or three hours something like that and made plans to hang out. but there was no move or hug. so i thought i was in the clear... like i imagined him being into me. so then he comes over to watch a movie or something and we're on the couch and i get up to get a drink, right. well when i come back his arm is over the top of the couch .. awkward cuz i didnt think he liked me or anything so then i like.. did this weird thing where i ignored it but sat on the edge of the couch and he was like you can lean back if you want or ill put my arm back if youre uncomfortable or something. and i was like oh man, i didnt kno you... uhh err.. stammering. so then i didnt kno what to do czu that totally threw me off guard. but i liked him. liek...i was attracted to him. so then i ended up going with it. i swear to god he was the one that made the first moves, not that it really mattered bc i went iwth it either way.

and i went to see him a week and a half ago or something like that. we're not together or anything. he lives way too far away right now and its just like. oh great i can talk to you on the phone and pretend im with you. hah. like. i can do that now only it would be creepy cuz we're not together.

*meanwhile* this girl is still talking to me about him, like why doesnt he talk to her and how they were best friends forever and now they never talk cuz its 'weird' and im like shiiiiit son. ergh. so now. i dont kno what to do about it. like.. im completely stuck. and he doesnt tlak about it at all. so i dont really kno everything that happened from his end. all i heard about it was that it was weird between the two of them, at least on his end. i mena, it seemed like he liked her but at the same time it wasnt clear if he could ever go back there again. like to that place. so i dunno if she thought they were better friends than they were.

ugh and im all conflicted in my feelings because i kno that if i actually hung out with her like... for real as friends, i probably would end up not talking to her anymore because shes just too much to handle. its like. rebecca when shes all crazy. i mean. i never witnessed it myself, but if i did i wouldnt be able to talk to her. i mean... shes a hollister/emo pop punk chick, which is cool if thats what youre into, i just dont kno. so shes still talking about him even now. and basically ive just been trying to avoid that whole thing and cover it up... or just plain ignore it and stear the conversation in a different direction. it makes me a horrible person i kno. but it gets worse because it seems like she kinda wants to wait for him and get back to that place when hes finished school. meanwhile, i dont kno what the hell he thinks when it comes to me. i mean, for all i kno, my visit up there was the last time im going ot see him. which i mean, it would suck but im not all that attached yet so i could go either way and it wouldnt phase me all that much. i mean, yes i would like to see him again.

ergh. whew. thats the first time i really unloaded about this whole situation. in any case. its jsut a really crazy and frustrating situation.
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