sejjers (biggreenmonstr) wrote,
sejjers
biggreenmonstr

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new romance, conflicts.

oki. so. ive been perusing the dating scene online lately. fyi, there arent many dudes worth talking to on the internet. however, i did find someone over a month ago. only problem is he lives in michegan. actually thats not the only problem. hes also 18. and i swear, if another 18 year old comes up to me and says hes more mature than his age im gonna punch him in the face. seriously. so thats part one.

actually thats part two.

part one is i have a serious thing for anthony. our lovely friend and fabulous musician...anthony. anthony ive known since dan...i met BECAUSE of dan. BUT he doesnt want a girlfriend. we've had sex. and made out. but its like...ok he comes over, has sex, chills for like forty five min and then is out. i kno he doesnt want me like that. maybe its because hes gotten so burned in the past. or wants to concentrate on music. but thats just not what i want from him. and i kno if i continue to have sex with him im gonna fall and fall hard. and then get hurt. so. im avoiding that. of course. i had to be stupid enough to ask him to teej's wedding. STUPID STUPID STUPID. but i am NOT having sex with him. not uh, no way.

part three of the story involves another online romance. this time with a different kid from north jersey (or so i learned the other day). his name is ron =D anyway, ive been talking to him for close to a month now, and finally the other day decide to actually meet him. so i went up to his place on saturday to chill and it went better than awesome. i had a BLAST. like. i havent felt this comfortable with someone since jess. and that is saying something. plus hes gorgeous and built ! and has piercings and tattoos. well anyway. since i already asked anthony to the wedding, i cant back out of that now. so i asked ron to the picnic theyre having the day after the wedding.... already ran it by teej and he said it was cool so... gah.

BUT then anthony had to go and fucking ask me to the rehearsal dinner. like. what the fuck. so i told him i would see about the work schedule and get back to him. but i suppose i should just be honest and say we should just be friends or i want to go as friends because i met someone new... and i really would like things to progress with ron if they can. i dont wnat to ruin the chance you kno ? bc i think he really would like a girlfriend but anthony ? i already kno he doesnt. and i just dont want ot go down that road.

i went down that road with jess and look where it got me. i shouldve known the minute he said no marriage that wouldve been it. it didnt matter if i wasnt interested in it or not. i should have ignored him when he said hed be there forever. but i didnt. same thing if i were to trick myself into thinking i could convince anthony to want a girlfriend. it just isnt possible and im not willing to settle for booty calls with him. its just not enough.

its not really a mess bc anthony and i arent remotely dating. i just dont want things to be weird is all. ahh well...i guess we'll see what happens in the next few weeks ! and if ron can actually make it to the picnic...this should be interesting to say the least. i mean....at least ron seemed stoked to come, so thats a good sign, and not worried in the least that all my friends there are guys .....woooooooo.
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