sejjers (biggreenmonstr) wrote,
sejjers
biggreenmonstr

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its calling me

been a long time i kno. this is just because i want to vent and dont want the person to read this on myspace. so..here's my nasty letter to him.

dearest you,

let me just start off by saying i DO understand why youre so angry. and yes, it's a shitty thing. BUT. it's not my fault the rest of your family finds me to be an awesome person. and its certainly not my fault you dont take advantage of having an awesome mother and a terrific brother. it was out of respect for you and YOUR feelings that i havent kissed your brother or elevated our relationship. how do you even deserve my respect when you didnt respect me by calling me up at two in the morning to dump me? after four months of dating, that is the way you chose to end it. well bravo my friend, because you did quite a job. and not remembering anything the next day? that was equally classy. thank you for that courtesy. that wonderful kindness. and to top it all off you decided that you wanted to be friends, never giving a thought to how i was feeling or what i wanted. no, i was supposed to turn around and be completely civil with you, completely understanding with my apparent bottomless patience just so i could ease your guilt a little. well im sorry to burst your bubble, but youre just going to have to lie down and take a long rest in this one. what an ironic analogy...you should be really good at this considering thats the only thing you kno how to do. and then when i had a glimpse of something resembling pity, you turn around and prove me wrong yet again. i thought hm, well maybe he really does want to be friends, and maybe i can bend enough to where this doesnt matter anymore. but as soon as i show any compassion, as soon as i lean in to listen, it all becomes about what YOU want again. wait, take you to get your tattoo?! are you kidding me? what the hell was in the weed you smoked. why in hell would i want to drive all the way to springfield from west chester to drive all the way out to jersey, where theres TOLLS, and then back to west chester. not to mention the fact that i would have to sit at the studio with you for over two hours. what exactly did you think we were going to talk about? oh hey, remember that time last week when you called me drunk and broke up with me? remember how you wouldnt calm down and stop cursing at me so i had to hang up with you? oh wait, thats right, you DONT remember.

i just find it fucking hysterical how you try to control my life. i was never a possession of yours you could claim. im not your pet. you cant tell me what to do and expect me to listen. who i hang out with and date is none of your business. and the funny thing is, if no one had told you what was going on, you wouldnt have found out for months because you dont talk to your family, you dont ask them whats going on. you dont care about anybody elses life except your own. sure, you may ask as some sort of pleasantry but if the conversation doesnt revolve around you, more likely than not, youll hang up the phone, or suddenly become busy.

you refuse to relate to anyone or anything and for some reason are completely obssessed with 'no one understands me.' ok ok ok, i get it. fine. you want no one to understand you? well i hope youre happy being completely alone. because people arent stupid. theyll catch on to what youre doing and how you treat them. and in case you didn kno, people dont like being used and they dont like being treated like shit. so unless you want to live a life of complete and utter loneliness, i suggest you take a long look at everything youve ever done and the way youve treated people. own up to your actions. take responsibilities and you just might save yourself from becoming and involuntary hermit.

oh and one more thing. if you at all genuinely want to be friends with me, i suggest you back the fuck out of my business until you've calmed down some. im a very patient person but even i have my limits and if i have to put up with your drama every single time we talk then eventually im going to stop listening all together.

love,
jesse
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